Intro; Background on yourself
Hi all, my name is Deborah (Debrae is a nickname). I am 30 years old and was born and raised in London but. I am of Nigerian descent. I am the oldest of 3 children and currently work as an Assistant Psychologist with a passion for writing and a deep love for music.
What is Psychosis? What are the symptoms/causes?
Psychosis is also known as a psychotic episode and is when an individual interprets or perceives reality in a very different way from people around them. In essence, it’s when a person loses touch with reality completely. The most common features of psychosis are hallucinations (hearing or seeing things that are not real), delusions (a false belief) and disorganised thinking and speech. It’s important to note that psychosis affects different people in different ways, some people can only ever experience it once in their lifetime while others have short episodes from time to time. Others may have more frequent episodes, having to live with it most of the time.
Symptoms can vary from person to person but the most common are insomnia, problems thinking clearly and logically, moving very quickly from one idea to another, paranoia, a decline in self-care/hygiene and excessive worry just to name a few.
In terms of what causes psychosis, again it’s important to reiterate that this can be different for everyone. A few causes are abuse, trauma, recreational drugs (cannabis) or a head injury.
Can you describe your experience with psychosis and how it impacted your life?
I had my first psychotic episode in 2013, at the age of 19. It was incredibly frightening as before then, I had no clue about psychosis and had never heard about such an experience. Things escalated very quickly as my mental state was deteriorating rapidly and racing thoughts filled my head in addition to delusions. I no longer had a grasp on reality and experienced vivid hallucinations. I had no awareness of my surroundings and became terrified and tearful. Traumatic events from my past started to present themselves in my memory and I became distraught. It was after I visited my GP, it was confirmed I was having a psychotic episode. I was then taken to a psychiatric ward, where I would remain for four months.
My second episode of psychosis happened in the summer of 2019, at the age of 25. It was then I realised this wasn’t a one-off and in order to stay well I would have to comply with (the right) medication and liaise with my care team and the appropriate healthcare professionals.
Psychosis impacted my life greatly, both episodes remain significant, life changing events that remind me things can change in an instant, if caution and care are not taken in regards to my mental health.
When and how did you realise something was wrong? What were the warning signs or symptoms that you noticed before experiencing psychosis?
It was actually my mother who noticed instantly, something was wrong. I was severely withdrawn, spending days in bed, in the dark, curtains drawn, not engaging with anyone but ruminating over my current heartbreak. I stopped eating then eventually stopped sleeping. My thoughts began to race and nobody could make sense of what I was saying. My thoughts felt so muddled and I began hallucinating. I would make rash, impulsive decisions such as joining a new church, becoming Seventh Day Adventist and getting baptised all in the space of days. I was extremely tearful and kept relaying things from my past.
How did you get into that mental state?
My psychotic episode was trauma induced.
I had just gone through a very difficult breakup from my ‘childhood sweetheart’ and the pain was the tip of the iceberg for me as I had had a very turbulent time, growing up. It was indeed the straw that broke the camel’s back and the pain felt too much to bear. I had spent many years dealing with childhood abuse, violence and heartbreak so enduring another difficult situation, took me over the edge. For the first time, I felt ‘safe’ so to see this haven crash down before my eyes was devastating at the time. In hindsight, I realised I put the relationship on a pedestal and placed so much emphasis on it healing me, so when it fell apart, I felt as though I had nothing left. Nothing left to give or feel, ironically it would be the heavy wave of emotions that would ultimately lead to one of the most difficult times of my life. I bottled up a lot of what I was feeling inside, think of a volcano finally erupting.
How did you feel during that period (thoughts/emotions/feelings)?
The best word to describe how I was feeling during that period was lost. I had no awareness of what was going on around me, I had no awareness of reality. When I would see newscasters on the TV, I would believe they were speaking directly to me. My thoughts felt rapid and muddled with no coherent flow. My emotions were raw, erratic and rampant.
How was your psychosis treated? What kind of support did you seek during your experience with psychosis? What/who has helped you on the recovery journey?
I stayed in a psychiatric hospital and was treated with medication but what ultimately brought me round was a course of ECT therapy. ECT stands for Electroconvulsive therapy and is a treatment that involves sending an electric current through your brain. This causes a brief surge of electrical activity within your brain (also known as a seizure). The aim is to relieve severe symptoms of some mental health problems. When I was becoming stable, I would liaise with the doctors on duty to better understand the condition.
My immediate family has helped me greatly on my recovery journey, words fail me when I think of how much they’ve supported me. From showing up every day at the hospital, advocating for me, encouraging me and nursing me back to health they have been heaven sent. My mother was incredible and took the time to research psychosis, she has constantly showed up for me in more ways than one. My family will probably read this so I would like to extend a huge and heartfelt thank you, I appreciate you dearly. My partner has also been an incredible addition to my life as well as a great support. Before meeting him, I was afraid of disclosing my illness to a potential spouse but upon getting to know each other, he made it a point to research psychosis, it’s causes and effects and ways he could support me in times of crisis. He has been inquisitive, attentive, considerate and caring. Finally, I have to say I have been blessed with the best friends and church community. They have been a well of joy and strength to draw from.
What hasn’t/didn’t helped you? Any challenges during your recovery process?
Challenges I faced during my recovery process included self-imposed guilt and pressure. I had to take a step back from a lot and I felt behind. Recovery meant that I wasn’t able to do things as quickly or as effectively as before, right away and I really struggled with this. I suffered with the inability to re-adjust, memory loss due to the intensive treatment I received and no clue on how to manage residual symptoms effectively. Prescribed medication also brought with it a host of side effects I’
including very noticeable weight gain, fatigue and slurred speech. This meant I spent the best part of my 20’s as a recluse. Friends often remind me that I lost a significant chunk of my life to an illness and to be more considerate to myself. This too has been challenging. I want a lot out of life, so can be tough on myself.
How has your perspective on life changed since experiencing psychosis?
As I mentioned earlier, I’m definitely more attentive to my mental health as things can change in a flash. I don’t put myself in environments or situations that can trigger negative emotions, memories or even worse an episode. Often, I am in awe at my strength (with God’s help) to recover and go on to thrive in life, beyond my illness. After my episodes, I was fearful that life wouldn’t be the same for me and that I wouldn’t survive such an experience but I’ve come to realise, as cliché as it sounds, an illness or diagnosis doesn’t have to define you. Yes, it’s true that life isn’t the same for me however I can still go on to have a wholesome life, only now, I have some adjustments to make.
What strategies have you found most effective in maintaining your mental health and preventing relapses?
Definitely complying with medication, and I’ll say it again, the right medication. I don’t believe in throwing medication at people, I believe in tailoring treatment to their specific need and condition. In my case, after trial and error, I found medication that works for me and my condition, preventing relapse. Also, I’m happy to liaise with my care team and healthcare professionals, they have been so helpful and responsive and as a result of that, I can be open, transparent and truthful about how I am feeling and progressing in addition to if there are any concerns I have. I also have a crisis plan ready for if the worst occurs.
How has your faith also helped you on the journey (if applicable)?
God has not only shown me He is a healer but also that He can redeem time and lost opportunities. I am so thankful for where He’s brought me from and what He’s brought me out of.
What inspired you to write Metamorphosis?
I wrote my first book ‘Metamorphosis‘ during my journey of recovery. I was in an emotionally abusive and manipulative situationship and was in the thick of depression. I thought my life had no meaning and I was struggling with my identity after suffering with psychosis. I used writing as an outlet. My pieces began on a blog but after an overwhelming response from women (and some men), I realised that so many could relate to experiencing difficult events. I wanted to capture the human experience in it’s entirety while shedding insight into my life’s more vulnerable moments.
How is your mental health now?
I’m truthfully in a good place. I do have my moments of doubt, fear and uncertainty like anybody else however I am blessed to have a strong support system as well as strategies in place to keep me well.
How can others support you?
By educating themselves about the condition in order to eradicate preconceived judgements. This can also be done by asking questions and normalising the conversation about ill mental health and conditions they may not know much about.
What advice would you give others experiencing Psychosis or supporting someone with Psychosis?
My keyword here is patience. For some, this is their first-time experiencing psychosis or supporting someone with it. On both sides, extend grace. For those experiencing, psychosis, it may take a while for things to get back to or feel ‘normal’. Take the full opportunity and time to recover. I understand it can feel frustrating and difficult but try not to rush back into doing things as you did before. Again, it’s easier said than done but give yourself compassion and consider the huge life event that you have just experienced. Although this experience may feel overwhelming and you may feel labelled with the term, please know that you can still lead a healthy, fulfilling life and go on to mark major milestones. Speak to your doctors, considering you have a supportive and effective team, liaise with your healthcare professionals to advocate for what you need.
To those supporting someone with psychosis, it will feel tough but do not take things said or done in moments of crisis, personally. The person you’re caring for is usually in a muddled or confused state. Listen to them and try to understand, it helps if your loved one feels able to discuss their feelings and options with someone supportive. Listen to their experiences and ask them what would help. You can also act as an advocate for them.
Finally, seeing someone you care about experiencing psychosis can be distressing or frightening so it’s important to seek support for yourself. Here is where to find support: Where to find support for carers – Mind
Find Out More
YouTube Interview: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IusEdnqOsYo&pp=ygUhQ29mZmVlIG1vcm5pbmcgbGF1Z2h0ZXIgcHN5Y2hvc2lz
Book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Metamorphosis-Debrae-Ojelade/dp/B095GQGBTS
By TransparentC
